I can barely read this without crying and breaking out in praise to God. I have literally seen this woman have this unshakeable faith despite ALL that has been throwing her way. I’ve had the privilege of knowing her for many years now, and although we’ve always been close… this storm has brought us closer. Kiana, I am SO grateful to call you my friend, AND sister. I love you beyond words, and admire you so much. You are so strong, and I know you are going to be an amazing mommy to your sweet baby girl. You and your hubby DEF have a predestined miracle on your hands.
“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26).
Here is the story behind this miracle pregnancy, written by my friend, Kiana.
These are the words that were thrown at me by doctor after doctor since the year 2012. You see. I had no idea what was going on. I was 19 and afraid because I hadn’t had a cycle in a year. There is no way that could be normal right? The first doctor basically told me verbatim, “Hey. You have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. You probably will never have children. Do you just want to start birth control to get your period?” Once again I am 19 years old. She didn’t explain what PCOS was or how it affected me personally. She didn’t explain what this would mean to my fertility in detail. She did nothing. So now, at 19 years old, I am stressing and crying about having children when that should have been the furthest thing from my mind. Well, not knowing any better I started birth control and I took it faithfully for about 6 months. Although I started having cycles, they were painful, my mood swings were horrible. So I stopped taking it, and my cycles stopped with it.
Before going to another physician, I decided to do my own research. I came with receipts honey. I had written down so many bullet points, questions and printed articles on PCOS. I had come for a battle and I wasn’t backing down. That Doctor told me she couldn’t accept me as a patient because she couldn’t answer my questions. Well on to the next.
Then, I met my current Ob/Gyn. Let’s call her Teresa. I admire her and I love her so much. She didn’t have all the answers (she hadn’t dealt with a “textbook” case of PCOS before) but she went to battle with me and we figured things out together. I started hormone therapy. I began having cycles again and they were somewhat manageable.
Fast-forward to 2014, Teresa decided to see how my body would react without any added hormones. After about 7 months (2015) I went in for a check – up due to extreme pain and I had a cyst the size of a grapefruit on my left ovary. Of course the next step was surgery. During surgery it was discovered that I also had endometriosis. Again, NO CYCLES.
At this point I wanted to give up. I began to question God. I began to doubt my faith and I began to doubt myself. What good is a woman who couldn’t even have a child if she wanted to? I felt like my husband deserved better than me. I even got to the point where I was considering divorce because in my mind I felt like he would want a child eventually and I couldn’t do that for him. My depression was real and it was bad. I struggled every day. People made it worse by asking stupid questions or giving opinions that weren’t even asked for. They would ask when we were having children or some would tell us to wait before having children because they didn’t think we were ready. They didn’t know our struggle. They didn’t know our pain. They never asked though. They never tried to figure it out. I gave up. No more doctors, no more medicines I just couldn’t take anymore.
Well, after a while we got the news of a lifetime. We were pregnant. They were twins. We found out a little late in the game because I had not been to the doctor and I was used to not having cycles so I didn’t have any idea. My hormone levels were super low and unfortunately my body could not sustain the pregnancy to term and we lost our precious babies. I didn’t know how to feel. I felt like it was my fault for doubting God and his abilities. I prayed and thanked God for even being able to get pregnant in the first place. It was hard and it hurt but I had hope again and that was so important especially during this type of journey.
I didn’t have much time to mourn because the next week after miscarrying I had an appointment to see if a D&C would be needed and low and behold there was another yolk sac. Of course the ultrasound tech and I both were staring at the screen astonishingly. She didn’t even know what to say she just left the room. I wasn’t happy or sad, I was just stuck. Once it was time for the Doctor to come in she just stared at me for a while. She said we would bring me back every week for a month to see what was going on exactly.
Well, I went back week after week and the baby kept growing and growing. It was a miracle to me. They explained it to me medically. My hormone levels were so low I was ovulating while pregnant so right after miscarrying another sperm and egg implanted, but honestly that went in one ear and out the other. All I could do was praise God. It was nobody but God. I am now 27 weeks pregnant with a very healthy and very active baby girl.
I wouldn’t change my journey. I wouldn’t do it differently. Every negative pregnancy test, every stupid question, every doctors visit, every tear, every breakdown, I’d do it exactly the same. I appreciate it all because it’s made me so grateful and humble. I am privileged to carry this beautiful little girl and I am privileged to be her mother. I can’t tell you what will happen or what won’t happen, but I can say don’t give up and press forward because God has a plan. It’s not our timing or our exact plan but when he shows up, he shows out. There is no limitation to what God can do. No matter what a Doctor says or what people say. He reminded me that he is God. I will never forget that again.